First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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