You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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