she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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