Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
