quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
