im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
