just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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