drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
