Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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