If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize