We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
