Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
