I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize