How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
