my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
