if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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