I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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