i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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