I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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