If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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