I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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