um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
