she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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