i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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