I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
