I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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