It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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