i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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