Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
