All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
