im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need water and some morals
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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