Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's JV to your varsity
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
