Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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