I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
