the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
