I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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