I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
