Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
