I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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