you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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