So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
