This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
