While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
