Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
