Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
