no one should ever give us hovercrafts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize