when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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