He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
