i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
