You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
