I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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