Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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