i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
