They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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