So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
