I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize