If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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