That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
