You really coming over, don't trick.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
