you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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